Poems from surburbia

just a stupid blog that i write thoughts on,i delete stuff and add stuff frequently depending on my mood
lol my flow was okay at first and then i fucking lost it #freestyle #raplol #isuck #kneehigh @imhigh #whitegirlfreestyle
  • me flirting: so what's the deal with having to exist as a physical entity

blankslate:

sext: make out w/me until we both forget that we’re sacks of flesh slowly dying on a tiny rock in a dimly lit corner of a probably meaningless existence

I had a friend who was a heavy drinker. If somebody asked him if he’d been drunk the night before, he would always answer offhandedly, ‘Oh, I imagine.’ I’ve always liked that answer. It acknowledges life as a dream.

—Kurt Vonnegut (via oeh)

Dear

Dear Ricky, i always planned on writing you a letter before i left for college.No matter how much longer it takes to hand write this i know it will be worth it in the future.because the art of letter writing is a dying UNDERRATED candid art. I want to be completly honest with you and tell you every thought that went through my head when i first met you and want you to never forget them.Its my favorite thought to think of when im sad and lonely.the warmth you exuded in the room,the smile that comforted me .i remember following you around and leaning towards the register whenever you entered an order just so your elbow would brush mine(i know stupid right).In the begining you were like this foreign majestic thing that i was never allowed to touch just admire from afar.I remember the day i wrote you a list of my favorite songs on a napkin,superbowl sunday.I came back to order sushi to- go, specifically just so i could hang out with you longer at work.Its almost eerie and exciting to think of meeting you and how random yet perfectly planned it was like kismet.It sounds funny but meeting you was in fact a series of perfect accicident see my guidance counsler mr.hansley forced me to take genetics when i wanted  to take early childhood development,I tried switching out but simply couldnt cause mr.hansley would not let me.I was assigned a seat next to troy who always talked about his job,one day  he said they were hiring and to come in .So in essence i thank mr.hansley for our meeting.If i had a good guidance counsler i would have never met you.I guess sometimes things dont work out for a reason and thats a perfect example.When i think of meeting you its almost like we both met each other for the same specific reason at the perfect time.While we do share oppisite lifes and stories i still feel so similar to you at times.Before i met you i was insecure and  brainwashed into the idea that no one would ever fall in love with me and love was simply an overexagerated feeling towards a special person in ones life.i felt perpetually bad for people in relashanships.I didnt expect or plan on loving you,we are so different and so many years apart.I think We both came into each others life because we needed someone to love us.When i think of your life and everything you have struggled with i wish i could fix it.I wish you never had to see your sister depressed,or had to visit your father in prison, i wish you could have saved your mom .Everything that has happened to you ,you havent deserved but has made you the strongest most resilent person i have ever met.Hardships do build character.you are so kind and sweet i cant think of anyone else id rather dig my head into and lay on top of.Even though im leaving and we’re breaking up i hope we can be friends for the rest of our lives.i hate the phrase “breaking up”   i guess that is the teqniqual phrase but  i never want to break anything off with you.I know you will meet a girl who appreciates your sweetness and stupid laugh or even impecable apprecation for small humble  things like dogs and gas stationpopsicles.I know this because it is impossible not to fall in love with some one as sweethearted as you..I dont want you to wait for me because that isnt fair to other girls out there.there is someone out there that needs you right now just like we needed each other six monthes ago.Everyone comes into our life to teach us something.I hope you realize though that no one is  anymore awesome than you,you always put me on a peddle stool when you have it all wrong you always underestimate yourself and cut your self short.All the advice you have ever given me can easily transend towards yourselfI could go on and on about how special you are but it would bore you and make you feel awkward.I know that  incomprehensible feeling youre feeling that you will never meet someone again because i sometimes feel it too.But that cannot be the case,i know this because i remember the exact hour before i met you.It was a thursday i remember feeling uneasy about senior year since I was barely passing my intergrated math class and depressed during school because all of my best friends were away at college.I felt lonely and “at risk of sounding cliche ” misconstrued all year.In my young manifest life these were my thoughts and feelings.I literally remember the exact outfit i wore because i specifically remember wearing a plain yellow tank top and white pants,looking in the mirror forcing myself to smile and suck up going to work.When i walked in the door i remember meeting you in that narrow corner inbetween the sink and register, the space was so small our feet could have been touching.After that one thursday my life changed drastically i went from being a bored 17 year old girl to a 17 year old girl who had a crush on a 27 year old asain man.Life is random like that.you never know who your going to meet.I guess this letter is just turning into an endless ramble of thoughts and bitter sweet feelings i feel towards everything.In the end i love you and i hope you never forget that.If you do theres always a panda on my left upper under arm/rib to remind you that you will always be my friend and i only wish the best for you out of lifei hope you become everything you want a nurse,a chinese restraunt owner ,i want you to even get your own house with your own dogs and make all the homeade dinners you could dream of ! . love becca

just to say all these words i feel when im alone.cause even if i said it you wouldnt hear it all.i wish i was how i was way back then.

and its almost like everytime she applied the pearls to her perfectly pale neck she just had this compulsion,just like that to throw this little petite pair of pearls in the toliet.Pealrs next to a toliet well isnt that funny.

i h8

everything.”selfish little bitch”.i hate that term its ugly and mean and useless.i wish i had a best friend to tell everything to someone who would listen and not talk bout girls or getting into college or anything annoying just listen to me for 5 minutes.no one can just  listen ever unless what you have to say is remotly intresting. i just wish i was in college already,but of course my mother claims she cant afford the 30 dollar application fee for usf after buying a new thirty thousand dollar car.i n33d a n3w lifeeeeeee.

I want to go on a big long pointless night time walk with someone to nowhere. Just to clear my head.